


then ok

by sabrina303



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, and it's really fitting for these two lovesick idiots, because if you listen to the song you can hear the emotion behind it, i just really love this song and i heard it the other day and got an idea so here it is, julia nunes, seriously though this fic will be so much better if you listen to the song, some feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 19:44:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7451677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabrina303/pseuds/sabrina303
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>i’m not worried about the consequences, but maybe we could use some common sense...</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	then ok

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was inspired by the song "Then OK" from the album "Some Feelings" by the ever talented Julia Nunes. i highly suggest listening to the song once you get to that part of the fic! listen [here](https://youtu.be/Y_8lrAJfztY)! (the album version sounds different because it has other backing instruments, but this is the acoustic version, which is more of what i had in my head anyway!)

Lexa hates surprises.

As a kid she had nightmares about surprise birthday parties. She despises the stupid jump-scares in haunted houses (and tends to punch whatever jumps out at her in the face). She’s in no way averse to spontaneity, but the idea of a surprise is just about horrifying.

So of course it’s only _after_ knocking on Clarke’s apartment door that Lexa realizes - she has no idea how _Clarke_ feels about surprises.

By the time Raven, Clarke’s roommate, opens the door it occurs to Lexa that she very well may be making a complete ass out of herself by showing up at Clarke’s unexpected. Raven’s greeting is the last nail in her proverbial coffin of idiocy.

“Hey Lexa, what’s up?”

Lexa notices a video game controller in Raven’s hand, further proof of her entire lack of forethought in stopping by. “I was, uh, in the neighborhood, so I thought I would stop by and see if Clarke is home… is she? Home, I mean - is she home?”

Mentally Lexa’s kicking herself. _“In the neighborhood?”_ That was just about the lamest thing she could’ve possibly said, so of course, she had said it.

“Yeah,” Raven says, nodding. “She’s back in her room. I would warn you that she’s probably not wearing pants, but it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Lexa blushes at the comment, making Raven laugh. “Relax. Most everyone who knows Clarke has seen her pants-less more times than they can count. She has a bad habit of forgetting that people are generally expected to be wearing pants then they answer the door or have company over. The delivery drivers love it though,” Raven laughs, walking away from the door and into the apartment.

Unsure of whether or not to follow Raven, Lexa stands in the hall awkwardly.

“What are you, a vampire or something? You can come in,” Raven calls.

Lexa makes her way into the apartment where Raven is sprawled on the couch and she gasps when she sees what’s on the screen. The character it seems Raven is controlling is punching an elderly man in what appears to be a strip club.

“It’s _Grand Theft Auto_. Don’t tell Clarke I’m playing it, she hates this game,” Raven says, her eyes never leaving the screen.

“I wonder why,” Lexa mutters. She turns away from Raven and the television and walks down the hall to Clarke’s room.

The bedroom door is open a crack and Lexa can hear the sound of Clarke playing an instrument (which instrument it is, she can’t tell). She can hear that Clarke is singing, but Lexa can’t identify what.

Clarke has a beautiful voice. Before Lexa even saw the blonde woman for the first time she had fallen head over heels for her _voice_.

* * *

THREE AND A HALF WEEKS AGO

“Quit moping,” Anya says, walking into their apartment and throwing a pillow at Lexa.

“I’m not moping.”

“Right, you’re not moping and I’m the Queen of England.”

Lexa rolls her eyes. “I’m _not_ moping.”

“You’re sitting there in your glasses and sweats reading -,” Anya glances at the book in Lexa’s hands. “Oh for christ’s sakes you’re reading fucking _Anna Karenina_ on our couch at 7 o’clock on a Friday night. You’re moping and you’re pathetic,” Anya sighs.

Just a moment too late Lexa notices Anya reaching for the book, and before she can move it out of Anya’s grasp it was in Anya’s hands.

“You are not spending Friday night reading a wholly tragic novel full of impossible to pronounce Russian names,” Anya says. “Costia wants you -”

“Don’t.” Lexa glares at Anya, hoping to silence her.

“ _Costia wants you_ to move on, Lex.”

“We ended our _two year_ relationship a month ago.”

“Seven weeks,” Anya corrects.

“Fine, seven weeks ago. Am I really not allowed to get over it at my own pace?”

Anya rolls her eyes. “I’m not saying you have to fuck the first person you meet, but you need to get out of this damn apartment and get back into the real world!”

“I’m _fine_ Anya!” Lexa gets up from her spot on the couch and grabs her book from Anya’s hands, making Anya sigh. Lexa walks into her room, shutting the door a bit louder than was necessary behind her. She hasn’t even found where she left off in the novel before Anya opens her door and storms inside.

“Alright Lexa, I’m done with your shit. You’re acting like she broke up with you out of the blue, but she didn’t. You _knew_ she auditioned for the company, you _knew_ she got the spot, you _knew_ that meant her moving to Paris. The two of you ended things amicably and now Costia’s probably getting wasted with a bunch of other hot ballerinas so get off your ass and put some fucking clothes on because we are going to Grounders whether you like it or not. You’ve got 15 minutes.” Anya leaves Lexa’s room, slamming the door behind her.

Half an hour later they’re standing outside of Grounders Brewing Company and when Anya sees the sign she immediately regrets her decision to force Lexa to leave the apartment that night.

_Open Mic Night_

“Oh fuck no,” Anya says, “I don’t do open mic nights.”

Lexa is about to agree when someone walks in the bar and through the momentarily open door she hears the most incredible voice.

The woman is singing and playing what sounds to Lexa like a guitar and suddenly she found herself no longer annoyed with Anya because that _voice_. It was gravelly and rough and it didn’t remind her of anyone else’s. She had heard the voice for only a few seconds, but knew she could listen to it all night long.

“No,” Lexa says, still lost in the singer’s voice.

“What?!”

“No, we’re not leaving. You made me get dressed and put my contacts back in and come down here so we’re staying and you’re buying our drinks. C’mon.”

Lexa walks into the bar and immediately scans the room in search of the woman the voice belongs to. Her eyes land on the stage where a gorgeous blonde woman is sitting on a barstool, accompanied only by her guitar and a microphone stand.

Lexa can’t take her eyes off the woman on stage. She finds herself completely lost in the music the blonde is playing, and as the next song starts, the woman on stage notices her, meeting her gaze.

Completely captured by the bluest eyes she has ever seen it takes Lexa a moment to realize what song the woman started playing. When it finally does register with her she smiles, earning a smirk from the singer in response.

The song is “Gold Dust Woman” by Fleetwood Mac - one of her all time favorites.

When she catches herself mouthing the words along with the woman Lexa realizes she has no idea who the woman is but she most definitely needs to meet her.

Her eyes are finally torn  from the other woman when Anya bumps into her, presumably to get her attention.

Except for the first few seconds, Anya had watched all of the interaction between her roommate and the woman on stage. She’s known Lexa for most of her life, but never before has she seen this look on Lexa’s face, not even when Lexa was with Costia.

Lexa didn’t even notice Anya until Anya bumped her hip into Lexa’s.

“There’s a table over there,” she points to a table closer to the stage and follows Lexa there.

Lexa can’t be bothered to look away from the stage, so when a waiter comes to the table Anya takes the liberty of ordering for both of them.

Twenty minutes later the blonde’s set ends and Lexa’s beer sits untouched in front of her. Anya, of course, is already on her second.

Anya sips her beer and smirks. “I think you’re in love.”

“Shut up,” Lexa says, taking her eyes off the stage for the first time that night. She takes a sip of her beer and winces - it had grown warm while her mind was preoccupied with the blonde. “I’m gonna,” Lexa gestures towards the bar where Anya notices a certain blonde is about to sit down.

“Don’t be weird,” Anya calls as Lexa heads towards the bar, flipping her off.

“You’ve got an incredible voice,” Lexa says to the blonde woman once she reaches the bar. She gestures to the empty barstool next to the blonde woman, who nods her permission for Lexa to sit. “I’m Lexa, by the way.”

The blonde smiles and shakes the hand Lexa is offering her. “Clarke.”

* * *

Lexa listens to Clarke play a moment longer, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed. She opens the door slowly, hoping she won’t scare Clarke but scaring her anyway.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Lexa says, awkwardly picking up the legal pad Clarke had dropped in her surprise, handing it back to her.

“Shit, did we have plans?”

“What? No? I mean, I don’t think so.” Lexa moves to sit in the chair in the corner of Clarke’s bedroom, “I mean, if we did then I forgot too because I just stopped by. I - uh, I wanted to see if you were home since I was near here anyway.”

“Why were you over here?” Clarke asks.

“Oh, I was at that park a few blocks away. I like to go there to write sometimes.”

Clarke nods, she knows the park well. “Wait a minute,” she says, “that park is two blocks closer to your apartment than it is to mine.”

_Shit._

Sometimes Lexa is astonishes even herself with her ability to be a complete idiot, despite being a very intelligent person. This is one of those times.

Realizing she now has nothing but the truth to tell Clarke, she sighs. “Yeah, it is, uh…” Lexa fiddles with the strap of her satchel, still slung across her shoulder.

She realizes that Clarke may very well find her to be a total creep and never want to see her again, a thought Lexa dreads more than she thinks she should. From the stage in Grounders Clarke had intrigued her, which was what made her approach Clarke in the first place, shocking both Anya and herself. She hated admitting it but Anya was right, she was moping. And since the worst case scenario in going up to Clarke was Clarke saying she was straight or in a relationship or a nun or something, she figured that talking to her would, at the very least, get Anya to stop bugging her for a while, so she did it.

Clarke, of course, had shattered her nearly non-existent expectations from the moment she shook Lexa’s hand. Lexa hadn’t expected to like Clarke as much as she does, and she most definitely hadn’t expected to still be seeing Clarke almost a month later.

But here she is, realizing that she’s probably ruining whatever it is they have and hating herself for it.

“My apartment is a couple of blocks closer but I couldn’t focus on what I was writing because I was thinking about our date on Friday.”

Clarke raises her eyebrow, smirking, and Lexa blushes just the slightest bit. Without saying anything Clarke is, not even a bit subtly, referring to the, quite honestly, amazing sex they had had _after_ that date.

“Not like that!” Lexa pauses, “Okay, a little bit like that, but that’s so not the point. I was thinking about how I had a really nice time and because I was thinking about that I couldn’t focus so I thought I would take a walk to clear my head and, uh, I kind of ended up here. I didn’t even realize where I was going until I got here, I swear.”

Clarke smirks again, waiting for Lexa to continue. At first she was surprised that Lexa had stopped by but now that Lexa is there she finds that she’s quite happy about it. Although, she does hope Lexa hadn’t heard what she was playing before the brunette walked in the room…

“So yeah, all of a sudden I realized I was walking down your block and so I thought I would see if you were home, which, now that I’m here and you’re looking at me like that, was a totally stupid idea, so say the word and I’m gone.” Lexa takes a deep breath, winded from her babbling and looks down at her feet, waiting for Clarke to tell her to leave.

“You don’t have to go,” Clarke smiles. “Please _don’t_ go.”

Lexa looks at Clarke skeptically, making Clarke laugh.

“I’m serious! I’m bored out of my mind! I actually thought about calling you but I remembered you saying that you were looking forward to Sunday because you were going to take care of everything you had to do this weekend on Saturday so you would have all of Sunday to write, so I didn’t want to bug you.” Clarke realizes she probably sounds too eager, but she really likes Lexa and would much rather spend the afternoon with her than trying to distract herself from thoughts of her, so she doesn’t care.

Lexa nods and takes her bag from her shoulder, setting it on the floor next to the armchair. “What were you playing when I came in?” she asks, slipping her ballet flats from her feet and tucking them under the chair. “I could only hear the music from the hall, but I didn’t recognize it.”

 _Shit_.

Apparently it’s now Clarke’s turn to be embarrassed.

“I would hope not,” she chuckles, nervously. “It’s uhm, it’s something I wrote, actually.”

“Really?”

Clarke nods.

“It sounded lovely,” Lexa smiles. “Would you play it for me?”

“Well, uh, the thing is that it’s not really finished yet, so -”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Clarke. I just really like your voice and I could tell you were singing, but I didn’t hear the words. Plus, it still kind of astonishes me that you can play two instruments.”

“Five,” Clarke says. “I play five instruments, you’ve just only seen me play two.” Lexa looks at her curiously, and she continues. “Guitar and ukulele, which you’ve seen, and then banjo, piano, and viola. I guess it’s seven if you count my second grade glockenspiel recital and that I learned that cup song.”

Lexa laughs. “A woman of many talents, I like it.”

Clarke laughs as well, then takes a deep breath. What the hell, right? “I’ll play it if you want me to.”

“The glockenspiel or the cup song?” Lexa teases.

Clarke half-heartedly rolls her eyes, teasing Lexa back. “The song I was playing when you walked in.”

Lexa nods her encouragement and for the first time in years Clarke feels that gnawing in the pit of her stomach that she knows to be indicative of stage fright.

“I’ve got one condition though,” Clarke says.

“Which is?”

“You have to sit on the floor and face the corner.”

Lexa scoffs good-naturedly. “You can’t be serious.”

“Do you want to hear it or not?”

“Fine, fine.” Lexa stands from the chair and takes a seat on the floor of Clarke’s room, facing the corner as had been asked of her. “You better not be doing this just to take silly pictures of me.”

“Would you just shut up?” Clarke asks with a laugh. Still sitting on her bed she grabs the legal pad Lexa had handed her earlier and turns herself so that she’s facing the headboard and the wall. Even though Clarke knows Lexa can’t see her she also knows that if she could see Lexa, even just the back of Lexa’s head, she would chicken out. And Clarke Griffin does _not_ chicken out.

Clarke makes herself comfortable on her bed, propping her legal pad on a pillow so she can see the words scrawled on it before she picks her ukulele up from the spot beside her. She positions her hands on the ukulele and strums out a few notes. “You ready?” she asks Lexa.

“Ready if you are,” Lexa says, making Clarke smile (even though she can’t actually _see_ her smile).

Clarke loves that answer. Lexa’s not pushing her, she’s not asking anything of Clarke, she’s just letting Clarke know that if she wants to play then Lexa will listen. Clarke wants to toss her ukulele aside and go over and kiss Lexa, to thank her for simply being content regardless of what she’s doing, but she restrains herself.

Growing up everyone wanted to hear her sing and watch her play, and the people she’s dated, once finding out about her musical abilities, have begged and pleaded for the same. But not Lexa, never Lexa. Lexa was like a breath of fresh air she wasn’t aware she needed.

Clarke thinks, perhaps, it’s that Lexa never expects anything from her musically that was the reason she found herself composing her song on the ukulele. Clarke didn’t start playing the ukulele until college, and she started in the first place because it was _her_ choice. She never had lessons or recitals; with the ukulele (and later, the banjo) no one expected anything of her. She’s always been a lover of music, and as a kid she always enjoyed going to lessons, practicing at home for her parents, and playing recitals. But still, there is something freeing about an instrument of her own choosing.

Finally, Clarke begins to play the opening notes before starting to sing.

 

> _I am trying to be realistic here_
> 
> _I am dying ‘cause I know I can’t resist it we’re_
> 
> _Gonna be so sorry soon_
> 
> _But I can’t keep my hands off you_
> 
> _And I don’t want to_
> 
>  
> 
> _If we’re careful, maybe this could be alright_
> 
> _But you are caffeine and I’m stayin’ up all night_
> 
>  
> 
> _I’m not stupid enough to believe_
> 
> _I could just kiss you and leave_
> 
> _There would be prices to pay_
> 
> _What are we gonna do?_
> 
> _I just wanna touch you_
> 
> _And nothing can stand in my way_
> 
> _So if all you have to say is okay_
> 
> _Then okay_
> 
>  
> 
> _I know better than to play with fire but_
> 
> _I’m already burning I can’t get enough_
> 
>  
> 
> _I’m not stupid enough to believe_
> 
> _That I could just kiss you and leave_
> 
> _There will be prices to pay_
> 
> _What are we gonna do?_
> 
> _I just wanna touch you_
> 
> _All night all day_
> 
> _So if all you have to say is okay_
> 
> _Then okay_
> 
>  
> 
> _I’m not worried about the consequences_
> 
> _But maybe we could use some common sense_
> 
> _Maybe this was just how it had to be_
> 
> _I was gonna explode eventually_
> 
>  
> 
> _If all you have to say_
> 
> _If all you have to say_
> 
> _If all you have to say, is okay_
> 
> _Then okay._

With the last “okay” Clarke silences her ukulele, waiting for a response from Lexa. Already nervous about playing the song for Lexa in the first place, she begins to panic when she doesn’t get an immediate reply. Fearing that the song scared her girlfriend away Clarke quickly turns around, relieved to see Lexa still sitting in the corner.

Clarke turns to set her ukulele aside, missing Lexa fervently swiping her hands over her eyes to dry her tears. She can’t handle Lexa’s total silence, so Clarke climbs off of her bed and sits on the ground facing Lexa’s back.

Hesitantly, Clarke reaches out and taps Lexa on the shoulder. “So?”

Lexa had heard Clarke sit down, so she takes a deep breath and turns, quite literally, to face the music.

Their eyes meet and Clarke’s face falls. Lexa’s eyes are red and her eyeliner is smeared and Clarke hates herself for being stupid enough to play the song for her (probably soon to be ex-) girlfriend.

“Is it about us?” Lexa asks, her voice cracking.

Clarke nods, afraid of what she would end up saying if she opened her mouth. Afraid she would tell Lexa that no one has ever made her feel this way before, that she loves her, that she’s _terrified_.

Afraid she would tell Lexa that she’s terrified _because_ she loves Lexa and terrified because of how sure she is that she loves Lexa. Terrified that she’s going to lose Lexa and terrified of how much it would hurt. Terrified that she’s going to ruin what they have and terrified that they’ll never get to see everything they could be together.

Terrified of what it all means.

“I-I,” Lexa stutters. For maybe the first time in her life, Lexa is speechless. She leans in and captures Clarke’s lips in her own, pouring everything she feels, everything she has, into the kiss. When she feels a tear land on her cheek she has no idea if it belongs to her or Clarke.

Lexa doesn’t pull away until her lungs scream for air, and even then she thinks that this would be the way to go, with her entire body humming _Clarke, Clarke, Clarke_. Lexa leans her forehead against Clarke’s, her eyes still closed.

“Lexa, say _something_ ,” Clarke whispers, pleading.

Lexa pulls away from Clarke and looks into her eyes, swimming in a shade of blue that has quickly become her favorite color. A tear rolls down Clarke’s cheek and Lexa wipes it away, completely disregarding the tears falling down her own cheeks.

“That was beautiful,” Lexa says, her voice shaky. “I- Thank you.”

“So you don’t hate it? You’re not scared?”

Lexa pulls Clarke closer to her once again. “I’m terrified,” she says, her lips brushing against Clarke’s. “But in the _best_ way possible.”

**Author's Note:**

> earlier this year julia did a concert on stageit and someone asked her about the song "then ok" because it's about her girlfriend danielle, and she wrote it pretty early on in their relationship, which led to julia telling the story of the first time she played the song for danielle - she made danielle sit in the corner and she faced the opposite way because she was nervous. as i said in the opening notes, i was thinking about this song and clexa and i remembered the story and then i just had to write it. (although maybe she told the story in an interview somewhere, but i'm pretty sure it was during the stageit show...)
> 
> also, no promises, but there is serious potential for a sequel.


End file.
